Over the course of the last four and a half years of marriage, I've taken my wife out to dinner many, many times. At times I've surprised her with lavish expensive outings, and other times I've taken her to a local cafe just to spend some time together. We've seen movies, and gone on picnics, and a whole bunch of other things.
I just have one problem with all of this. I've organized all of it. See, my wife believes firmly that it's the man's role to organize "dates". Recently (over the last 12 months) I've actually asked her 3 or 4 times if she could organize for us to go out somewhere special - so that I can experience what it's like to be on the receiving end. When we were engaged, she actually did this one evening, and it was so much fun, and such a special memory for me that I'd really love to do it again.
However, every time I ask she gets upset about it. Not cry upset, just generally negative toward the idea. Like I said, she firmly believes that this is my job, and me asking her seems to cause her some offence.
Anyways, the purpose of all of this is to find out if any married males (it may also apply to other long-term relationships I guess) who read my blog have encountered similar observations. Does your wife not want to do the organizing when it comes to the two of you going out together? Have you ever suggested she could organize something for you? How did she respond? Do you think that it is the man's job, and that I should just get over it? My wife actually suggested I check what other guys thought on this, so that's why this blog post exists. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't blog about my marriage, but this really is the best forum to get some responses to this question.
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4 comments:
I'd love for that to happen! Unfortunately, even with equal rights for women movements, this seems to be one of the areas where tradition still reigns...
I've never mentioned the idea because I'm pretty confident of the answer I'll recieve. And it won't be the one I want to hear.
Well, my wife sometimes does the planning to go somewhere, especially if it's my birthday or something. Actually I think she generally does a better job than I do.
I know you didn't ask for a woman's opinion on this, but you can have my two bits anyway. A date can be more special for the wife when the husband takes the time to plan something, as it shows that he is thinking of her and cares for her. Maybe the same is true for the husband as well, maybe the date can be more special for the husband when he didn't have to organise it. I myself don't think it's purely the husband's responsiblity to organise dates. I think a great time can be had by both the husband and wife regardless of who organised it.
I can't really remember any dates that have been organised by me personally, generally if we're going out on a date, one of us makes the suggestion to go out to dinner, and then we decide where we'd like to go etc. In cases like these I don't think either of us has been the 'organiser' of the date. Maybe these aren't very thought out dates, but we still have a good time :)...
My wife is perfectly happy to organise "nights out"... so long as I still pay for them. sigh.
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