STATIC DISCLAIMER: All the stuff in here is purely my opinions, and they tend to change depending on what mood I'm in. If you're going to get bitter if I say something about you that you don't like, then maybe don't read. I avoid using names as much as possible, and would request that people who know me do the same in their comments. Basically, I often vent my frustrations on here, so if you happen to be someone who frustrates me, expect to read a description of someone very much like you in here!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

An Explanation

I've considered carefully publishing this post. I want to tell people the truth, as I've always been honest and open, but at the same time I don't want to create bitterness or angst. There's been enough of that already, and I'm ready to move forward now. Part of that for me however, is sharing this story with all of you.

For those who don't know already, Rachel and I are no longer together. What follows is an explanation of why:

We've had some fairly big problems in our marriage. We've struggled with them for a long time, and they took their toll on both of us. We'd seen several marriage counsellors over a number of years, and still we struggled. That being said, my attitude was always that we'd keep at it until we sorted it through - that you work things out, no matter what. Rachel however found that she was unable to do that.

In late 2009, Rachel got involved with another man. The relationship continued, and despite numerous moments where she decided she should do the right thing and break it off, she was unable to bring herself to give it up. I tried very hard to win her affections back, and was as gracious and understanding as I could be through the whole thing. She has said she's sorry things unfolded the way they did, but ultimately she chose not to give up the relationship she formed with this man. Obviously, this wasn't a circumstance under which our marriage could continue.

As you might imagine, the past 12 or so months as this situation has unfolded have been incredibly difficult for me. But I have had to accept that what is, is; regardless of how I feel about it. As a result, Rachel and I have done the absolute best we can in maintaining amicability for the sake of the boys. We both love them immensely and want the best for them, and we're doing everything we can to soften the impact this situation will inevitably have on them.

A lot of water has gone under the bridge now and we're both in very different places. I'm taking the New Year as an opportunity to start over - to look at what it means to be a part-time carer / full-time dad, and to be suddenly single again at age 31. The boys now see quite a bit of Rachel's new partner, and I'm coming to terms with that... slowly. They are adjusting as well as children possibly could given their situation, and discussions about them with Rachel are amicable and functional, as the one common ground I know we still share is wanting the best for them even if we disagree on what that looks like from time to time. I'm trying hard to follow the path I believe God is leading me on, and I hope that He'll make it a bit clearer as time goes on. I still wrestle with why he's allowed this to happen, but I suppose ultimately I may just have to let it go.

If you're reading this, you're probably a friend or family member, and even if you aren't: Merry Christmas, and all the best for the New Year. Enjoy your family, your friends, and the time you have to share with them. Remember that eternity is the long bit, and that Jesus is the reason we can look forward to that. {/sappy bit}

These goings-on are the reason nothing has appeared on this blog in a long time. With this post out of the way, I'm hoping to post a bit more regularly. Also, I'm thinking of starting a new blog about my journey working out this new life I've got, in the hope that it might help others who find themselves in this place. I'll put details here if/when I do so you can read it if you want.

God bless,