STATIC DISCLAIMER: All the stuff in here is purely my opinions, and they tend to change depending on what mood I'm in. If you're going to get bitter if I say something about you that you don't like, then maybe don't read. I avoid using names as much as possible, and would request that people who know me do the same in their comments. Basically, I often vent my frustrations on here, so if you happen to be someone who frustrates me, expect to read a description of someone very much like you in here!

Thursday, October 13, 2005

You have a bad day, you're taking one down, you sing a sad song just to... ah, stuff it.

Well, unlike the clip to that song, my bad day is not going to end up with me having a heart-warming romantic rendezvous.

Things that are bad today:
  • Job
    Always bad. Some days are better then others. I've recently made a decision to try and work a bit harder though, and be a bit more honorable in my employment. Sometimes I get down about it and so don't put in the level of effort I know that any employment I have deserves. God calls us to work, and even if by some ironically bad luck I have a bad day every day until I die, pleasing God has to be paramount regardless.
  • Marriage
    My rule is no blogging about the inner workings of my marriage, and I plan to honor that regardless of how I feel. However, I will say things aren't going so well. I will also say that probably my greatest goal/desire in life was to be the best husband/father that I could be. I'm trying really hard, and yet I feel like it's a complete waste of effort. However, there's very little I can do that I'm not already (at least trying) to do. This issue is currently consuming pretty much all of my emotional/mental energy on a daily basis.
  • Potential Job
    Recent blog posts have mentioned job opportunities. As of today, nothing has come of either of the potential positions. Nothing. Nada. Fun...
  • Health
    Ever since I started going to the gym, I've felt worse then I have in a long time. I've been sick 4 or 5 times, and aside from losing a little weight (emphasis on "little") it hasn't really improved my overall feeling of well being. Add to that the fact that I have to get up at 5:30am to go, and you get one tired, not-well feeling me. Constantly. I'm almost ready to stop going, and just play some squash, which I enjoy. It's also a good excuse for both me and one of my good friends to get out of the house and recharge the batteries and all that.
  • Money
    I hate money. If I honestly thought I could live without any money, I'd do it. I just don't think it's possible anymore. I also love my toys and gadgets, which makes it difficult to not have money. Toys cost money. It's my birthday next week, and a colleague at work offered to sell me a PSP value-pack for $250. His girlfriend got one, but she doesn't want it, so she gave it to him. Now he's got two, and is willing to off-load one very cheaply. A $250 PSP that I've been wanting to get doesn't seem like much for my b'day, right? Well, no PSP for me. Can't afford it. Can't afford anything. Going out for dinner on my birthday? You can forget that. Ah well - I'm 26. Can't expect much from a birthday at this age.
  • My age
    Speaking of which... I'm 26, and I've done nothing worth speaking of. I have all of the above going on, some of which you would expect to have sorted by this age, and yet I have nada. When me and my wife moved into our flat, we planned to be there for 2 years tops, during which time we'd prepare ourselves to buy a house. At that point, the housing boom took off, and houses went completely out of reach for us, and are yet to really come back down. However, we're now not really in a position to buy one anyway. Just one of 50-bazzilion things that make me feel uneasy about how fast time flies by these days.

Thought, interrupted.

Having done a few other non-work things while writing this, I feel I need to stop and do some real work. And go to the loo, also. So I'm going to do that now. Suffice to say I'm not real happy right now. And it doesn't actually look to be getting any better any time soon. I'm doing all the right things, dammit, and yet none of it is helping. There's a rant in itself - why does doing "the right thing" always end up making you unhappy? Anyone else noticed that? *sigh* Anyway... another day, my friends.

Just as an aside, in case anyone is thinking of it, I'm not really interested in "just snap out of it" style comments if you don't mind. That said, if you want to be encouraging, I'm all ears. :) A good bit of encouragement never goes astray.

1 comment:

hayley b said...

Sorry to hear that you're not having such a good time. I know it sucks going to a job you don't like, but God has put you there for a reason (even if you don't know what that reason is). Maybe it's an opportunity to grow as a person and develop your work ethic, patience etc. At least you work close to home you have the opportunity to spend time with your family (and see your son grow up!). This is a blessing in itself, because even if you don't like your job, God has blessed you with a job that you don't have to travel far to, and that doesn't require you to do huge amounts of overtime (yet if there was an opportunity for paid overtime, you still work close enough to home for it not to disrupt your family life too much). It's not good to hear that things at home aren't the best at the moment. Know that it is great that you are putting in the effort to be a better husband and dad, this is the first step. Can I say that I have found one of the best ways to improving stuff is to find out what your spouse needs and then become the best person at meeting those needs. God's put you together for a reason, and sometimes it's hard to work things out, but you can do it, sometimes you need help (sometimes counselling can help), and usually with a little give and take, and a willingness to compromise, you can get through things. It's hard, but worth it, and it can be done! You can do it!

Don't give up on your potential jobs! If nothing comes of these ones you've mentioned, you can look for others. Pray for opportunities!

Your health is important, and although you don't feel much better overall at the moment (despite your gym-ing effots), you are getting there! Sometimes things can get worse before they get better, but they DO get better!! Maybe you can feel better in general, if you take up squash with a buddy and make it a regular thing? Taking up an enjoyable activity at an easier time of the day has got to be more fun and enjoyable than getting up at 5:30am to make yourself go to the gym. You can do it Justin gambatte!!! (would write it in Japanese but don't have the support for Japanese writing on my work computer).

I have come to hate money too. Unfortunately it is a necessary evil. Money certainly makes it easier for buying gadgets and houses and things like that. It can get better, unfortuantely it can take a long time. Maybe it's not where you want to be with your finances, but think positive and look at what you've got. There's always an opportunity for perhaps a new job, or maybe something out of the ordinary will happen, and you'll get a pay rise! Or a bonus! Let's hope you can get a PSP that way!

Your birthday can be special even if you can't go out to dinner. Money makes it easier I guess, but it is not essential. I'm sure you will have a great birthday despite your finances!

Cheer up :) and hang in there! You are doing a good job of things! Trust in God and pray about the things you would like to change in your life. We will pray too! :)

I hope that has been some encouragement.