Hard

The title of this post pretty much sums up everything that's going on in my life at the moment. Work, home, health... all hard.
I work in an office with (for the most part) one other guy who isn't what I'd describe as "chatty". Really nice guy, but just not big on talking. Me - I love social environments. It usually takes me quite a while to feel like I fit into it, but I love lively, social environments. I *thought* that this office was like that. But as soon as I got here, everyone started working elsewhere. Pure unfortunate coincidence, but just the way it happened. Even the boss has had strings of days out of the office with various clients, and currently is away on leave. This means that me, who has been in this job all of 6 weeks, is sitting in the office trying to deal with the bulk of the helpdeskyness and just basically do a job that I've only been in for 6 weeks with no one on hand to offer direction. Hard.

Then there's home. Home is hard. My wife seems to be about as interested in me as I am in amputating my own foot with a rusted bread knife. My son is tops - he loves me to bits, but I get to see him for about 2 hours each day, and that's it. Half an hour in the morning, and an hour and a half in the evening. The rest of the time that I'm at home, he's in bed. And that's just the thing - I spend at most 5 hours of my day at home and conscious - and an hour of that is getting ready for work. The rest of it, I'm either at work or asleep. I spend 8 and a half hours at work, and supposedly 7.5 of them working. I think I'm in the wrong line of living - I need to work for myself, from home. Either that, or for a bank. They close at 4:00pm most days. What a life - 9:30am until 4pm. That's almost criminal.
My work consumes 11.5 hours out of each day - 1 getting ready, 2 in travel, and 8.5 actually at work. So home is hard because I haven't got the energy to devote to it, and that's the fault of work. But I need work to support the house, so it's a catch-22. I guess I'll just have to suck it up...

Health is bad. To make a decidedly Justin statement, I might have cancer. I'm having a biopsy done in a couple of weeks. Looks kinda iffy at this point - might be, might not be. But with all of the stress of everything else, my brain just goes "you know what? It is. It must be. Everything else is hard, so this needs to be also". So that adds to the stress, and it's a never ending cycle. I also generally feel unwell, which I think is a product of the stress as well. I so so so badly need a holiday, but having just changed jobs, it's just not an option really. I should have had at least a week off between jobs, but hey - retrospect is a nice luxury I guess.

Well, that's it. I've been at work 5.5 hours and logged only 3 hours and 10 minutes of billable work, so I guess I should get back to it. If anyone has a big bottle of orange-flavored chewable "happy", I'd like a dose.